Have you ever had that moment of utter and complete fear when your heart felt so big and beat so hard that you felt like it was going to jump into your throat?
On the first day of the Jaipur trip, Ayaan fell out of the cot. I was listening on the baby monitor, waiting for him to fall asleep when all of a sudden I heard a loud crash and a wail. I ran into the room to find him sitting on the floor and crying his heart out. I think I died a little in that moment. I picked him up and started to calm him but before I knew it, I was crying harder than he was. I felt terrible – scared that the fall might have done some lasting damage to my poor baby and guilty that I had left him in the cot, despite my instinct that it wasn’t entirely safe.
Ayaan has slept in this very same cot every time we go to Jaipur but this time he was much taller than the last time and also much more active so we measured our cot at home and realised that the one in Jaipur was shorter by 5 inches. It didn’t seem like much but I was tempted to take the travel cot along anyway. I finally decided not too for a couple of reasons. To start with, my mother told me that Ayaan would be okay since we (my brother and I) had slept in the very same cot till we were over two years old. But the major reason was much sillier than that. Ever since Ayaan was born, I have been getting a lot of flak from my family about how I am paranoid about him and that I worry too much him. Unfortunately, I picked this instance to care about what other people think and let that override my concern for Ayaan’s safety.
Anyway, Ayaan is fine. Thankfully, he fell on his bottom and not on his head. The doctor said that internal damage could be ruled out since Ayaan had none of the symptoms (inconsolable crying, vomiting and/ or convulsions). But my heart skips a beat (and not in a good way) every time I think about what could have happened…
I think I learnt an important lesson. It doesn’t matter what other people think about my parenting approach and skills. Ayaan is my responsibility and I need to trust my instincts as far as he is concerned. I know him better than anyone else in the world and I need to use this knowledge to keep him happy and safe.