Sunday, January 21, 2007

Counting my Blessings

New Year’s Day has come and gone, as has my blog birthday (Yes! My blog is one year old). Looking back at the last one year, I have spent a lot of time bitching and moaning about the guilt and the trauma of being a working mom. I guess this is as good an occasion as any for me to count my blessings, look at the silver lining, see the brighter side of things, make lemonade with my lemons… to cut short the barrage of clichés, I am basically forcing myself to write about what is good about being a working mom (as opposed to my usual laundry list of reasons why it sucks).

I am never bored (exhausted but never bored)
I feel that spending every hour or every day with Ayaan might get to be boring at times. He is fun to be around but after reading Hop on Pop for the 15th time in the day, you do sometimes feel like pulling your brains out through your ears!

I get to exercise my brain
I think what would really pinch if I stopped working would be the complete lack of adult conversation through most of the day. With my job, I get to interact and work with some really intelligent people on a daily basis and it sure does keep my brain ticking.

I make every moment with Ayaan count
Guilt is a strong driving force. So I drive myself to exhaustion to ensure that I juice the maximum out of every moment that I spend with him. I feed him, bathe him and change him when I am at home. In the 3-4 hours that I spend with him, I read atleast 5 books (often the same book 5 times over) to him and take him to the park twice a day (if I am not travelling)

I get a time out
Ayaan is at a pretty frustrating age right now, though I could have probably have said that about him at any time in the past 20 months. Sometimes it all gets a bit too much and I feel all crabby and exhausted. At times like this, travel heals all. A little time away and my batteries are recharged and I am craving for my little devil again.

I have a lot of money
I love to shop and own nice things. Having my own income saves me from having to justify my expenses, both rational and irrational. It also ensures that we are pretty well off as a family and were able to afford to buy a house (with the help of a hefty bank loan) in pricey Mumbai after just 7 years of working.

Anyway, that’s my uncharacteristic attempt to look at life through rose-tinted glasses and see the grass on my side as greener (just can’t seem to stop the clichés today). I am off to Brazil for work and will be away from my little munchkin for almost a week, so expect a return to the regular ‘I wanna be a stay at home mom’ programming sometime then!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

A Not So Happy New Year

As usual, I have been away for longer than planned. Life has been really chaotic and confusing.

Just at the end of the year, there was shockingly bad news. My cousin (all of 23 years old) died in a car crash in Delhi. I am still finding it hard to come to terms with the news. This is the kind of thing you read all the time in the newspapers and never ever imagine that it will touch your family. I wasn’t too close to my cousin – too many years and miles between us but I grew up with my aunt. Before her marriage, she used to live with us and had quite a substantial role in my early upbringing. More than anything else, the mother in me just cannot find a way to deal with this. Losing a child is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a person, especially a mother. I know now from experience, how becoming a mother completely changes your life and makes you above all else, first and foremost, a mother. Having to cope with that being snatched from you so suddenly and unexpectedly is beyond all imagination.

In other news, we have moved and we brought in the New Year in our very own house. Most of the packing and moving was ably handled by Jai since I had to rush to Delhi upon hearing the news about my cousin. But everything has been pretty piecemeal. We still have to put up the shelves, wipe the paint off the taps, unpack the books, put up paintings, and so on. It’s liveable but it’s not complete and everything is not in its place. I still feel like I am living in someone else’s house while they are away.

Meanwhile, someone crashed into our car one night while it was parked. So the car boot won’t close and it’s now sitting in the workshop and we have to manage with auto rickshaws and the like. And a power surge destroyed the motherboard of our TV which then had to be repaired. Moreover, one of my maids is going on leave to her village for a couple of weeks – I am keeping my fingers crossed that she comes back.

Now I know what they mean when they say, “When it rains, it pours.”