Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dr. Rohini and Ms. Snide (or some equally bad crack at a title)

No matter what I do, I can’t seem to escape this tagging business. Not that I am complaining – after all, it does give one the easy way out on coming up with new content ideas for the blog – but sometimes they do pile up. Like right now, I am behind by about two tags. The grand plan was to tackle them last weekend but that was before the darling husband gave me the new Harry Potter (loved it!) hot off the shelves on Saturday morning…

Anyway, to get back to tag-less status, I am going to do two tags in this post – also because they are kind of like two sides of the same coin…

The first tag is from The Mad Momma and she’s invited me to reveal my judgemental side. Now, I don’t normally come off as a judgemental person but it’s just that I am not very vocal about but I, like most other people, make snap decisions about people based on small things. Here are some of those dredged up from the deep, dark recesses of my secret, judgemental world.

  • I judge women who let themselves go after marriage (sometimes even before a baby is born). It’s as if the only motivation for them to look good was to catch the guy. I have seen people starve themselves and exercise to exhaustion so that they look good on their wedding day and after that, they couldn’t care less.
  • I judge people who read only business and self-help books of the ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ variety. I think they are completely uni-dimensional.
  • I judge workaholics. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious and driven but all work and no play does make Jack a very dull boy.
  • On a related note, I judge people who camp out at work and give excuses like ‘The spouse is travelling’ or ‘But I am still unmarried’. But what about books, friends, exercise…seriously, get a life!
  • I judge SAHMs who when I ask what they do (before I know that they are SAHMs and after they know that I am a working mom) say something like ‘I have the most important job of all – I take care of my kids’. Puh-lease. I get it. You have made a choice that works for you and I respect it but must you get all defensive about it? And can you please be a little more tactful, given that you are talking to a mom who has chosen differently?
  • I judge superstitious people. Belief in God is one thing but when you tell me that I can’t say your baby is cute because it will attract the evil eye, it is a bit too much.
  • I judge women who put their careers ahead of their family’s needs. This, of course, doesn’t mean that I judge working mothers (because among other things, that would be self-destructive), but just those of them that are okay with leaving their sick child with the maid while they attend that all-important meeting or can’t find the time to attend the PTA meeting or Sports Day.
  • I judge people who are not house-proud. I don’t expect that every thing should be perfect but you know when care and love has gone into creating and maintaining a home. At the very least, keep a clean house. There’s nothing I hate more than having to use the toilet at someone’s house to find an icky wet floor, no clean towel to wipe one's hands with or no toilet paper. And nothing can kill my appetite faster than a dirty kitchen…
  • I judge cheap people. I don’t mean people who need to live on a budget but affluent people who live like paupers just because they are miserly. These are the kind of people who refuse to contribute 100 bucks a month to the building kitty so that a sweeper-woman can be hired to clean the common areas…
  • I judge men who pee/ spit on public roads. I have seen a man get out of a swanky Toyota and relieve himself on a wall on a busy, public road. Geez, find a room, and preferably one with a toilet!
  • I judge people who don’t put thought into gifts. I really hate it when people give me gifts that are obviously recycled or bought without any thought to what I might like. I’d rather you didn’t give me anything at all. And here, monetary value is of least importance. Some of the best gifts I’ve received have not cost all that much… when it comes to gifting, it really is the thought that counts.
  • I judge SAHMs who see their role only in the physical job of bringing up their kids. Come on, the maid will do almost as good a job of cooking a nutritious, tasty meal for them but a cuddle, a book-reading session or just simple playtime is something the maid can do only half as well as you, if at all. (I am, of course, referring to those of us who live in countries and have income levels that allow us to have hired help)
  • On the other hand, I also judge moms who find it a boring chore to feed and bathe their kids and delegate the tasks entirely to the maid, even when they are at home.
  • I judge NRIs who crib about smelly, corrupted India. Especially the ones who grew up here and took advantage of all the subsidised education that got them where they are. If you really do feel this way, stop coming back and if you must, please have the grace to keep your opinions to yourself, especially in front of those who have chosen to stay in this, according to us, wonderful country of ours.
  • I judge bigots, especially educated bigots. I never failed to be shocked when those I consider ‘people like me’ make hateful statements based on ingrained stereotypes that they have about communities, nationalities or genders.
  • I judge people whose civic sense ends outside their own doorstep. It’s admirable that you want to keep your house garbage-free but please find other ways of disposing of your waste than throwing it off your balcony or dumping it on the road. Contrary to what you might think, your right to create a mess does not begin where your personal living space ends, it actually ends there.
  • I judge women who stay in bad marriages. I know it can’t be easy to leave but do you really want to pay the price of the rest of your life for one bad decision that you made, or that was made for you, by living it out with a person who abuses you, mentally and/or physically and destroys your sense of self-worth. I know some women truly have no choice because they have no means to support their kids/ themselves but when qualified, educated women choose to stay, it really makes me want to shake them up.
  • I judge parents who bring their brats to public spaces (malls, restaurants, movie halls) and make no effort to prevent them from making utter nuisances of themselves. I do not appreciate my quiet, romantic dinner with my husband being destroyed by someone’s ill-behaved child running around the restaurant and screeching.
  • I judge moms who come to the park dressed as if they just walked off the ramp. The only reason you should be there is to hang out and play with your kids and not to preen and say things like "Darling, we can’t go into the sandpit – Mama’s shoes will get dirty”… need I say more?
  • This is a silly one but I judge people who say ‘My hairs are so long’. People! The hair on your head is (not are) one, singular entity.

Ok, I could go on but I think I should stop before I alienate everyone who likes/ loves me. But seriously though, as Mad Momma also said, a lot of the people in my life are chockfull of these traits but it doesn’t matter because I am past judging them. These are just judgements I make about people I just met or barely know and sometimes use to decide whether I want to get to know them better…

The reverse tag was from Ceekay, who very admirably tries to find something to admire in everyone. I can’t claim to be as charitable as her but here are some of the things that I do admire:

  • I admire people who have the insight into themselves to figure out what they’d like to be doing and then have the guts to drastically switch career paths or strike out on the own. I have neither.
  • I admire people who know how to use make-up and accessories well to look perfectly turned out. The only thing I can use is lipstick and that too is all gone within a couple of hours of putting it on.
  • I admire people who can give and take compliments with grace.
  • I admire people who go for long and faraway vacations with young kids. I have one kid and the very thought of driving/ flying for more than two hours with Ayaan scares the hell out of me. And the longest holiday that we have taken to a place that was not the home of either of our parents has been 3 days, and after that, I felt like I needed a holiday to recover from it. Talena - a seven-hour drive with three young kids – you are awe-inspiring…
  • I admire men who see themselves as having an equal stake in running the house and bringing up the children. Many men do help out but they see themselves doing it as a favour for their wives to ‘help them out’.
  • I admire people with patience. I am terribly short-tempered, especially with the people I love and whose love I am assured of. Ayaan gets to see a lot of my bad temper (sometimes deservedly so) and I regret it constantly.
  • I admire people who can make the SAHM-working mother choice easily and live with their decisions without regret. I struggle with working mom guilt for every second that I am away from home, and especially when I travel for work.
  • I admire people who can make the transition from being their children’s parents to being their friends. I hope to be able to do that some day.
  • I admire people who can cook, cook well and enjoy cooking. I hate it and have been known to screw up the cooking of instant noodles and boiled eggs. And don't even get get me started on the meltdown I have when confronted with recipe instructions like 'add salt to taste'
  • I admire people who adopt children. To make place in your home and heart for a child that is not yours is truly admirable. I have even greater respect for those who adopt after having kids their own. I hope to do this some day.
  • I admire couples who manage to keep some us-time even after they venture into parenthood.
  • I admire fit people who can run a mile without feeling like they are about to have a cardiac seizure.
  • I admire people who can keep a calm head in a crisis.
  • I admire people who are good at bargaining. I get conned all the time because I am too embarassed to question the seller's price.
  • I admire people whose Admiring list is longer than their Judging list… :)

That’s all from me for the moment. Oh, wait! I have to pass the tag on. Zen, Aqua, Grafx, 30in2005, Something to Say…you’re it. Do one, do both – take your pick.


  1. excellent! and I am the first to comment?! loved both tags. its nice to see someone be honest. most others have been really careful with the judgment one!

  2. loved both the tags! found myself agreeing with most points on both lists. i cringe inwardly when people say "hairs" and the only thing i can cook is "cup-o-noodle" (does adding hot water to the cup count as cooking? *muses*)

    thankee for tagging me. i'm still recovering from the HP 7 hangover and will get cracking on this once I'm out of it. i get teary just thinking of snape *sniff*

  3. "Salt to taste" is a real killer. Particularly because I hate tasting while it's cooking. Don't know why that is, but I just don't like licking something I don't consider fully cooked.

    Since I don't have a cook, can you imagine what our meals are like? :D

  4. Excellent Excellent lists both of them.. I agree with almost every single one !! Wow, I'm surprised by that.

  5. Heheh hehe
    Frogger, loved your post. it is so 'you'.

    About the judging people who let themselves go after marriage, do you also judge people who let themselves go before marriage and intend to stay that way ? and who don't use any make-up ?

    Will try and answer the tag.


  6. by the way, Aqua, welcome back. Not read anything on your blog in ages. Please answer the tag fast and give us something to read.

  7. [The Mad Momma] I think it helps that I didn't have much time to do the tag so didn't waste time tempering down stuff. That and the inspiration that is you... :)

    [Aqua] I always knew about Snape. It's like the Agatha Christie novels where the first and most obvious suspect never turns out to be a murdered. Though I have to admit that him killing Dumbledore threw me a bit...

    [Sue] Yes I can and I am sure you are better than I am - if only from practice

    [Poppins] Surprised? Why?

    [Entropy] I think the 'letting go' one was more about women who do it to catch a guy. People who are comfortable with the way they look irrespective of male or other attention are to be admired. And I don't judge people who don't use make-uo, I hardly use any myself. I just admire people who know how to use it.

  8. Loved the post...so honest and balanced on both sides...i seemed to agree with both(although i hate that I'm so judgemental)..will keep coming back:)

  9. Thanks for being so transparent, Rohini! It's not easy to admit things that you judge in other people--it reveals so much about us, because those are the things we judge in ourselves, too.

    I am one of the "like cooking" crowd, and I still hate the "salt to taste" instruction. What if you don't know how much salt tastes good?

    Anyhoo, thanks for sharing. And for the giggles. Hugs!

  10. wow! My judgement list would look most like yours. And about the NRI's, DO NOT get me started. bah! i HATE them with all my heart.

  11. [Sreeja] I surprised myself. Once I started writing the 'I judge's', I couldn't seem to stop. I think I could have come up with atlest another 20 :)

    [Talena] Well I feel better now that I know that the salt thing confounds you as well. Would it kill them to put an excat measure???

    [Sudha] Good to hear that from the NRI-to-be

  12. very nicely written post....although now I am wondering if we'll ever be friends if we did meet, cos my house is pretty much always in a mess (although I try keeping the kitchen clean)and i think that i am one of those women "who let themselves go after marriage" (actually i didn't try too hard even before) :)

    most of the other stuff i agreed with.

  13. im extreeeeeeeeemely judgmental.
    this is ONE tag that sounds interesting to me..

    next post!!

  14. i don't really judge people - "never judge a man until you have walked two moons in his shoes" and all that... but some of the things you described annoy me as well. nri part - i did complain many years ago about bombay (it was the rainy season and i landed there after coming from singapore) but bombay soon made amends because i went to a bryan adams concert!

  15. Excellent! Now we know more about you:-)

  16. [Lawyeramm] But I've already decided that I like you :) Plus my real irritation is with women who are obsessed with their appearance in before marriage and then give up later.... not with women who have always been comfortable with their curves...

    [Grafx] Post fast then...

    [Ranjit] Well, I complain about Bombay too but somehow it bugs me when visitors do... kind of dog-in-the-mangerish, now that I think about it...

    [Mommyof2] Or atleast about my nasty, judgemental side...

  17. Love the judgment tag. But considering how erm, totally non-judgmental I am on my blog (cough), I cant help but cheer for a tag which forces you to judge! Woot!

    And wheres the post on my marriage post? Hmm? Hmmm?

  18. Whoa, long list of judgements and am guilty of nearly all....ermmm lemme see...

    Recycled gifts (only to fellow kiddies, from brats stock of gifts, he inevitably ends up getting more than one of the same thing.. and am guilty of stocking up on boy gifts and girl gifts when I go to the discount toy store.)
    Not houseproud, because this house has outlived its warranty period and am just waiting to move out...it will collapse anyday on us...
    Ill behaved child, park dressed straight off the ramp (not anymore though)...
    Geesh, am a bad person.
    One redeeming point...made the SAHM decision and stuck to it. No regrets.

  19. [Megha] It's coming!!! Work's a bitch! This should teach me not to cmmit myself to a post...

    [Kiran] Oops... but like I said to someone else, I've already decided I like you so none of this matters any more... :)

  20. woosh...
    Some jdgements and
    some admirations!!

    I liked u jdge the ppl hoo read only that kinda books...
    n admire ppl whi can bargain..I cant do that
    :) hell!!!

  21. Nice, long lists! Got me with the last point on the admiration list! I am SO not it :P

    It just hit me - admiring is judging in the reverse. We are judging people who are left out of the list :D