Monday, June 28, 2010

The Little Ironies of Motherhood

  1. Your phone will be silent all day, making you wonder if your friends have decided you are now boring Mommy types, not worth even a phone call. Then it will ring (LOUDLY) just when you are putting the baby to bed.
  2. The doorbell will only ring when you are either breastfeeding or bathing the baby.
  3. The little devil angel who has refused to nap through the day falls fast asleep just when people come over to 'meet the baby'
  4. The hyperactive brat you have been complaining about behaves like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth when friends visit, causing them to wonder what the hell you were cribbing about.
  5. After having you driven you batty over a long car drive with endless chatter, the brat will fall into a deep sleep when you are five minutes from home.
  6. Just when you have been bragging to all and sundry about how your baby sleeps through the night, she will turn into a night owl. 
  7. The elder sibling, who has been playing independently in his room, will remember your existence and come shouting for you at the exact moment when you are putting the just-rocked-to-sleep baby down in her cot.
  8. The 'On' button on the TV remote probably activates the baby as well. It couldn't just be a coincidence that she wakes up from her nap at the exact moment that you collapse in front of the idiot box.
  9. The expensive toys either lie ignored and neglected at the back of the cupboard or are destroyed in mere days. The cheaper toys hold their interest much longer and the free stuff (sticks, stones, cardboard boxes) is evergreen.
  10. On schooldays, you have to struggle to wake up the brat at 6.45. On holidays, he will be wide awake and bouncing off the walls at 6.30.
  11. The baby who sleeps through loud bangs and shouts on your shoulder wakes at the merest whisper when asleep in her cot.
  12. When you go to office for just a couple of hours to figure out your options post maternity leave, your elder one bawls when you leave and hugs you tight when you come back, saying 'Mama, I missed you sooooooo much'. Two days later, in the throes of a towering rage, he screams, 'I don't like you. You go back to office TODAY!'
  13. Just before leaving for the same trip to office, your younger one proceeds to spit up milk all over your carefully put together ensemble of professional attire that still fits.
  14. Your son will get up to his naughiest shenanigans when you are talking to your boss, causing you to mometarily forget you are on the phone with the person who will write your performance appraisal and scream 'STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW'.
  15. The toilet trained kid will have an accident on the day you changed handbags and forgot to put in a change of clothes.
  16. The child who has a meltdown when asked to put away his toys at home morphs into the teacher's helper at school. 
  17. The more public a place, the longer the tantrum, compounded by the fact that you can't use your standard tools of trade (ignore, shout, spank, timeout) to deal with it. 
  18. The day you plan your first kids-free night out in the longest time, both kids fall sick.
  19. No matter what parenting choice you make, there will be some research done out there that will tell you how your choice/s screwed up your kid.
  20. Though you crave for some peace and quiet, when your wish is granted you worry. Silence means that the kids are up to no good or they are falling sick.
  21. You look forward to the brat's trip to his grandmother's house only to sit around moaning the eerie silence in the house.
  22. Remember when your mother said, 'Wait till you have kids of your own'? And you thought you thought having kids would be an effective way of silencing her. Well, think again. Once you have kids, she'll pamper them silly and when you object, you will be told, 'You don't understand, just wait till you have grandchildren'!!! 
I could go on but this is as good a time as any to stop. Any of you mums out there want to take this up as a tag? Itchy, Kiran, Sue, Parul, CeeKay, Mona, Choxbox, Deej... at this this rate, I am going to put all the mothers in my Reader here. So any mommies passing by, feel free to take this up. And do leave a link to the post in the comments section if you do.

Update: Some more irony out there...
Mona mommies up Murphy's law
Parul demonstrates that fatherhood is not without irony
JustAnotherBlogger gives a non-parent angle
Aneela writes about the irony of leaving
CeeKay adds her two cents

42 comments:

  1. This was hilariously....ironic! Will try to do this tag!

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  2. You have said it all- as efficiently as possible!

    Incase i can think of other combinations and permutations to your perfect post about imprefect lives i shall write and link up.

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  3. I was nodding my head and agreeing to most(all) of your statements!
    Ohh I might take this one up.

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  4. hahaha!
    i loved this one - i thought i'd list the ones i mist identified with and then realized it was most of them!
    i will definitely do this tag!

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  5. Hilarious! :-D esp the you go back to office TODAY! LOL!

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  6. hahahha! You seem to have covered it all..its so funny..I was laughing so loud :):)

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  7. Hahaha.. loved reading this. :D Kids have a way of humbling us adults, don't they?

    PS: The numbering seems to have gone all wonky on you too. Just not your day or week or month, huh? :)

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  8. Loved this.Each one is so so true.Toddler tantrums have just started in our household and its such a comfort to know that its a part and parcel of their growing up years.helps me take it in my stride.
    Life is so so unpredictable with kids around.

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  9. LOL brilliant post! Could relate to almost all the ironies, the sleeping ones especially are SO the story of my life!

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  10. LOL!!! and sooooo true! :)

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  11. This is so true, its a Zen of Parenting kind of post

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  12. I love it how you sum up the whole thing . As Ritu says a zen of parenting post . And mind you the list changes as they grow older - never fades away!

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  13. Hilarious! :D

    Erm... do you mean, by any chance, to imply that normal, functioning adults don't act this way? Gulp.

    "On schooldays, you have to struggle to wake up the brat at 6.45. On holidays, he will be wide awake and bouncing off the walls at 6.30."

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  14. [The Soul of Alec Smart] Ok, I have gone through the numbering THREE times and I can't find an error. Please tell me where it is.

    [Bubble Catcher] In our house, toddler tantrums never stop and we are now past the age of 5!

    [Phoenix/ Eve's Lungs] Zen of Parenting? :)

    [JustAnotherBlogger] You know normal, functioning adults who wake up at 6.30 on weekends???

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  15. Oh! On my screen, the numbering goes from 1 to 0 twice over, and then the last ones are numbered 1 and 2. Basically, the tens' digit is not seen. Wait! Maybe, it's my screen then?? How embarrassing :|

    Yennyway, sorry! *slinking away into the darkness*

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  16. Preeti9:15 pm

    Lol... this one was really funny and really true. I could relate to practically the entire post:)

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  17. *red-faced*

    I always wake up with the sun when I don't have to go to school or work.

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. Am not a mom but had to do a non-motherhood version :)

    http://alphabetbyalphabet.blogspot.com/2010/06/murphy-lives-on.html

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  20. These problems seems to be universal.
    what irritated me most was when was just about to take my tea ,my baby will start crying ...

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  21. LOL, brilliant! Now I have to rack my brains to see if I can add to your list. It seems pretty comprehensive!

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  22. LOL

    I will do this with pleasure, ta!

    As for #19 -- to hell with surveys, Mama knows best, remember.

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  23. Just came running in to tell you that I will do this tag. Promise!!

    In the meanwhile I have tagged you too - please check my latest post.

    And, oh boy!! DO I ever agree with you on ALL of those points! Specially no. 19!!

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  24. Here is another one .... mommy / daddy meal times are ALWAYs interrupted by potty breaks :(

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  25. This is such a comprehensive and a brilliant list! I've been nodding all through and quite vigorously so on 19. Point 22 brought a smile :)

    @Cantaloupes.Amma- It happens at the Pattu household to this day!

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  26. *same pinch*
    grrrr!!

    oh and that bit about bum-wash breaks halfway through a meal.. I hear ya!

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  27. [The Soul of Alec Smart] As long as I am not the one losing my mind :)

    [JAB] Really? Actually I used to be like that pre-brats. I would wake up by 7.30 no matter what day of the week or what time I had slept

    [CeeKay] I love that tag. I am going to do it!

    [CA/ MayG] Potty breaks for us happen when we are running late and rushing out of the house...

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  28. Absolutely hilarious....I agree so much with point no. 2,5,9,10,11,15 oh...just about all of them. I will break my head and try to figure out a few more.

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  29. My first visit at Rohini's.. totally totally loved it. It's all soooo true. The one about the potty at dinner time.. bang on.
    Am adding my bit.
    http://obsessivemom.blogspot.com/2010/07/motherhood-ironies.html

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  30. A very well compiled list! Agree with you all the way.. and yes, potty at meal times continues to be my biggest irk :(

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  31. chalo I have put in my two takas ...takas, pennies whatever.
    http://golkamra.blogspot.com/2010/07/tang-aa-chuke-hain-kash-ma-kash-e.html

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  32. hain? where did my comment go?

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  33. so so true!! :)

    and ofcos kids out to prove you to be a liar! you see arre nahi he doesnt like rice and the child goes ahead and polishes off the entire plate of rice! gah!!

    cheers!

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  34. I've got one for you...how about how ironical it is that we wish when they are completely dependent on us that they would get some level of independence and then when they do get independent, you so miss the good ole days when they needed you for everything! (sigh - while I am very proud of everything K can do independently, i terribly miss how much he needed me when he was a baby!)

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  35. will do ro.

    on a better day.

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  36. And the baby will spit an yell at you for giving medicines but will silently eat them from the grandmom the minute you giveup

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  37. Very nice read... it describes stuff so beautifully!

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  38. Very nice read... it describes stuff so beautifully!

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  39. Hey Ro, very funny, and irresistible as a tag Here's my contribution: http://rain-bowdays.blogspot.com/2010/10/little-ironies-of-motherhood.html

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