Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Mommy Comebacks

One evening, I happened to be hanging out at my latest adda (also known as Twitter). I had just dropped Ayaan to his skating class and before that, we had had 'words'. It got me thinking about all the times when he said horrid or whiny stuff to me and I had managed to gather my wits around me and retort effectively. It resulted in a mini-series called #MommyComebacks.  In the interest of keeping up my blog frequency, I decided to make a post out of them.

Brat: I don't like you.
Me: You don't have to like me. I just need you to listen to me.

Brat: You are not my friend.
Me: Yes, I know. I am your mother.

Brat: I know everything.
Me: Name all of Jupiter's moons.
Brat: I don't know them all.
Me: See! You don't know everything.

Brat: Why does he get to bring chips in his tiffin?
Me: Because I am not his mother.

Brat: I am not talking to you.
Me: Don't talk. Just listen.

Brat: I want to win this game.
Me: So do I.

Brat: When can I choose the hotel to stay in?
Me: When you are paying for it.

Good fun, no? What's your favourite mommy comeback?


  1. Adorable :) Ayaan you have a fan in me :) LOL on the last one..when you are paying for it :)

  2. I can really use some of these, esp for the "I'm not talking to you" and "You're not my friend" :)

    My regular one is in response to "Why do I have to do all the work"...I plonk myself down with a book or the blog for a while and refuse to do anything for the child saying "Yeah! Why do I have to do all the work" It works...for a few days!

  3. - 1&2 happen to me almost everyday :(
    - Now I know how to do a mommy comeback :)
    - But what happens after the M comeback....?

  4. Hehe Loved the last one :-) Should learn all these comebacks. Will need them later...

  5. Awesome! I wish I could come up with some of my own. All it takes is a 'Go away mama!' from Nikki to turn me into a blubbering mess.

  6. Ha ha! That was hilarious, I use all these frequently with Aryan, but from now on, I don't think I can do it with a straight face!

    My favorite comeback...mmmmm... we have a pact - Aryan and I are allowed 'not listening' to each other 5 times a day. So....

    Aryan: I want chicken sandwich, why are you not listening to me?
    Mamma: Because you didn't listen to me when I asked you to put your clothes in the hamper yourself! So that's once today.

    And then we start off the count for the day.....I know that's mean - but it seems to work, and I personally love my retort!

  7. heh heh heh heh, love love the mommy comebacks.

    some day we should all sit and shine our red horns together, and while we are at it we can have a 'lets sharpen our tongues some more' party too.

  8. Awesome comebacks !!! esp jupiter's moons :)

  9. LOL. Jupiter's moons!! You're wicked! :-D Poor Ayaan!

  10. LOL at the comebacks! I hope our kids choose a nice home for us when we are old! ;)

    anything for which ashu says "but you are saying/doing/drinking it". I use the "yes. I also drive. Do you?"

    whenever she says "its not fair!" I start listing all the things I do around the house for the kids and if she thinks she can share the work since its not fair that I do everything! ;)

    btw, Ashu has a comeback of her own which I cant beat. when she says she knows everything and say I ask her the names of Jupiters moons, she says "Yes I know them. But I dont want to tell you!" ARGH!

  11. Hello mean mom! Nice one! :)
    With KB - aka - Sivaji Ganesan (the melodramatic actor) - he uses my own dialogues - if I said you don't know all the moons type stuff - he will ask me "Mamma, how will you feel if someone did that to you? Made you feel bad that you don't know all the moons? Why do you always yell at me? I am waiting for that day when you will not yell me even once. Every day you yell at me. There is no one to protect me in this house"! :)) Oof! After all that I do I feel like I am evil incarnate at the end of his dialogues!

  12. Am impressed by your blog freq now. I want to write more often too... :( Aargh - not able to!

  13. Currently my #1 mommy comeback is "oogilie boogilie". My daughter is 15 months old and it works wonders to distract her!

  14. LOL! 1 and 2 are regular here too.. but loved the others..... and next time i say these words am certainly going to remember u!

  15. Name all of Jupiter's moons - ROFL :) :) :).

    My favourites:

    Why do I have to do this/eat this/wear this?
    Because I say so.

    (In the "You are not my friend" stage)
    I am not your daughter/You are not my mother.
    Sorry you don't get to choose.

  16. LOL. I loved these. Will save them for future references.

  17. ha ha ha ...u r a rockstar Ro! This wins post of the week award hands down! Great ideas for me ...shall use them but not sure whether I'll be able to do that with a straight face, now! Here fights happen but usu I end up rambling - Vansh gets it but I can see how powerful one sentence can be!

    LOL at Boo's comment too ..old age home indeed!
    LOL at KB's melodrama too!

  18. Anonymous7:54 am

    I loved all of them especially Name all of Jupiter's moons :)

    My daughter has not started questioning me yet..May be I can write similar in few years..

  19. [R's Mom] You're a fan of Ayaan's??! What about my cool comebacks?

    [Iya/ JLT] What? No one told me being nice all the time was part of my job description :p

    [Starry] Considering I don't do much that I can pass of as 'work', that may not work in my household :)

    [Itchy/ Aathira/ Anu/ Pepper/ Neera/ weourlife] Thanks :)

    [Gayatri] Most of these usually silence him. Or there is whining, usually ignored by me.

    [RS] Heh. Go ahead. Use them :)

    [NMOTB] Once Ayaan told me to go away and I actually left the house. I was planning to go out on an errand in any case but he learnt a good lesson and was careful about saying it to me again. Says it to his dad still :)

    [Sai] I like this 'not listening' pact. Might just try it :)

    [Sur] Heh. Meanwhile, the kids can congregate in the other room and strategise about our downfall :D

    [Boo] LOL at the old age home. I love the 'Do you drive" one - am so using it. And Ashu is one smart cookie, huh? Thankfully Ayaan hasn't figured that response out - at least not yet :D

    [Noon] LOL at the mini Sivaji Ganesan. And just sit down and blog. Commit to it and don't fuss about writing mega posts - just small incidents or opinions as they happen.

    [Clueless] LOL! Doubt that would work with Ayaan. Might try it with Tarana.

    [Aparna] Have you noticed the name of my blog lately? Because I said so is a common retort here as well :D

  20. ha ha. i'm as mean as you. i use most of these and sometimes just play the "The day you are my mother I will listen to you" card. Which I know is unfair, but what the hell. Let them learn early on that life is not fair :p

  21. ha ha. have many since my firstborn is older and has a wry sense of humour. we love the banter - matching wits and not-being-able-to-help smiles.

  22. [MM] I like that! I am so borrowing it :D

    [Chox] What fun. Our is rather one-sided right now. Not that I am complaining :)

  23. Really good ones, Rohini. I'll give you one of my Mom's favourite (most exploited and exploitative) comebacks. If I whined about something I didn't want to eat, she'dI'd eventually say, "Okay, I'll eat only one spoon." Next thing, she'd come back with a ladle and say "Okay, but I choose the size of the spoon."

  24. u know how much I loved ur comebacks u know right, I told u so in the adda itself ;-)

  25. You are smart!
    And a nice, wicked mom.
    I strongly approve:)

  26. LOL! Love all of them.

    One of mine: S asked me "When can I start getting paid for the chores I do?". I said "Right around the time when I start getting paid to cook and clean around here" :D

  27. [Thinking Cramps] Ha ha! That is brilliant. Thankfully, food is not a big deal in these parts but I shall look for an opportunity to use that one :)

    [Monika] Yeah :)

    [Dipali] *curtsies*

    [Cee] I probably couldn't pull that off since I don't do much by the way of chores myself :p

  28. Talking to kids in a way really amuses everyone.Now a days Kids are real fast.I wonder how one generation gap will change a lot.I cant imagine what will be our kids experiences with their kids. LOL.