Friday, July 22, 2011

Down with Mommy Guilt

Art tagged me with this tag. The rules are:
  1. Write about 2 instances where you have put yourself before your child/ children... been a wee bit selfish.
  2. How did you feel? Did you feel a pang of guilt or were you comfortable?
  3. Tag 2 more moms 
I have been a working mom for about four years and, to hear some tell it, that is the ultimate way to put your own needs ahead of the kids' needs. But what with that being ancient history for the time being and all, let me think of some stuff from more recent times.

The first instance involves the pre-bedtime routine we follow in our house. In Mumbai, I was the one who got them brushed, changed and ready for bed. But here, what with me being a slave to their demands all day long, I am all mommied out by the time dinner is done. So this task has been handed over to Jai. There was a lot of whining about this for a while but I just hardened my heart and ignored it. To stay truly out of the various grumblings and battles that go on during these 20-odd minutes, I keep myself safely out of earshot and line of sight. It's not like I have anything very pressing to do with this time - usually I am just downstairs twiddling my thumbs on Twitter. I don't feel the slightest iota of guilt about this and consider this as Jai's quality time (if whining and resistance can be counted as such) with the kids.

Take Two. It's exhausting being a role model 24-7. If I feel the urge to stuff my face with chocolate or some other junk food just 15 minutes before dinner time, I sometimes indulge that urge. I wait till the kids are occupied with something, sneak into the kitchen and chow down the stuff before they are any the wiser. This makes me feel somewhat dishonest but the happy feeling in my stomach more than compensates. (On a related note, I recently purchased a jar of Nutella, ostensibly for the kids - but a week later, it was all gone and the kids were never even informed of its existence).

Those are mine then. What about you folk? I tag Noon and Sai. Take it away, ladies.


  1. Ro - it sounded so - for want of a better word - cute! You sneaking in and wolfing down the sweets before the kids found out. Makes me feel better somehow! :)
    And I can copy paste your first paragraph - except I don't feel any guilt at all - so I guess I can't write that in my tag! :) I feel guilty now though that I don't feel guilty about it!
    Shall do the tag. I have not done a tag in years!
    How is the "class" situation?! So are you rattling off in Telugu these days?

  2. haha..this could be me..esp the take 2. And am not guilty..:-)

  3. Anonymous4:06 pm

    ditto ..
    I never knew that mommies were so alike !!
    I thot I was the only weird one making hubby take care of sleep schedule and eating unhealthy stuff when kids out of sight !! Also watching kids after kids asleep !
    Gabdus Mommy

  4. As soon as I started reading this post, the first thought that came to my mind was how I stuff my face with chocolates before my boys can get to them. And then I read your reason number 2...aaah, my soul sister!

  5. I do point 1 at times...and point 2 is sooo me :D, especially when there's a dabba full of authentic banana chips all the way from kerala!

  6. OMG Rohini - I have stopped buying Nutella exactly for this reason.. also Quality Street chocolates and a certain Gallianoz soft centred chocolates have a way of staying hidden from the children.. perks of being a SAHM ;). No guilt !!

  7. had fun reading this Ro and going " Ro does that too ;)" ...chocolates and junk food are not meant for kids at all right :) certainly not before meal time but we are no longer kids, so we can do what we want to!

  8. And these little things make you feel guilty? Maybe I am really not fit enough to have a child then. Lol. Either that, or I will be a wicked and evil mom when the time comes.

  9. Yup, no guilt is right. I am all for down with mommy guilt. It is bad enough that nature conspires in such a way that only women can have babies and have inexplicable bonds.. hopefully removing guilt from that will help moms do a better job (not to imply they do not just perhaps be happier).

    I still deal with my mother's guilt and all the repercussions of it :)

    Way to go rohini. Hope hyderabad is treating you well now.

  10. Are we really all the same??? I can't remember the number of times I've eaten up their chocolates.. as for nutella.. stopped getting it home. Good ones Rohini.

  11. Just couldn't resist it. Thanks for tagging me. Did do one number on my blogspot just now!

    Enjoyed yours, especially the eating bit. I try and sneak in the goodies and the chocos too when the kids arent around. And pig on fruits and salads when they are around......

    Not guilty until I am unable to button my favorite jeans!

  12. [Noon] I don't feel guilty about it either. After all, a dad needs 'quality time' with his kids too, right? So what if it is at the end of the day when everyone's patience is running thin *evil grin*. The class situation continues as before but I try and engage him more at home with books and crafts so he really goes out to play with them only in the evenings now. And no Telugu learnt yet - planning to get myself one of those 'Learn Telugu in 30 days' books :)

    [Uma] :)

    [M4/ Aparna/ Gabdu's Mommy/Neera/ Sai] The junk food one seems to be a recurrent theme across moms :)

    [Pepper] No no. That was the point. That I don't feel guilty. :)

    [Janaki] Hyderabad is starting to like me and treat me better now, I think :)

    [OM] Same here. Blanket ban on Nutella entering my shopping cart

  13. Hmmm. Point #2 was an eye-opener. I was making a mental list of all the changes I would have to make to be a role-model if I ever had kids and the list seemed endless. Good to know there are sneaky ways to get around it :)

    Never*ever*stock Nutella in the house. It has a magnetic attraction that whispers to you all times of the day.

  14. Anonymous1:48 am

    Hi Roh, how are you doing? how's new home hope you settled in the new city. I feel it is important to have some me time to keep our sanity and to keep our stomach happy. I do these too, I go through guilty feelings but it doesn't stop me from doing :)

  15. [Anita] Right now, the stack of Nutella calls my name out loudly every time I pass it in the supermarket but I am staying strong. Bought Haldiram's bhujia instead :D

    [Weourlife] Getting settled, slowly but surely :)

  16. [Anita] Right now, the stack of Nutella calls my name out loudly every time I pass it in the supermarket but I am staying strong. Bought Haldiram's bhujia instead :D

    [Weourlife] Getting settled, slowly but surely :)